Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
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