Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
