i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
