woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
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did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
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Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
And then the night went full on bisexual.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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