my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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