someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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