fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
