I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I AM VODKA MAN
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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