they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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