He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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