I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
