Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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