There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
