she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
