You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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