My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
