Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We have started to decorate penises.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
