sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
