True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
