he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
