Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
