saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
