i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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