So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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