I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
