i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
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The air was thick with penises
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
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Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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