i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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