I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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