How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Pants 0. Shit 1.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
There's always time for handjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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