Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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