TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
