one two three fourrrrnication!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
