You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize