Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
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My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
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If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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