Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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