none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
