Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't deserve a penis
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
