i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
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