no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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