you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
