I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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