happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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