His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
