Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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