He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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