it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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