if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
