Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
