Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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