A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Holy sore nipples Batman
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
