Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
