i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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