About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
