I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
