look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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