yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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