Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
