Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
