the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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