I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
