were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
