I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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