Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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