fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just found puke in my bra..
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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