I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
