I think im going to throw up on grandma
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
