i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
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Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
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She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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